Success in salary negotiations and careers often rides on your willingness to say no.  People sabotage careers by taking jobs that Don't feel right, often ignoring nagging doubts. (Of course, there are times when necessity demands that we take the offer).    

Usually, we get hints of bad situations right at the beginning.  Things that start bad rarely improve.  Interviewing is similar to dating; unpleasant first dates rarely result in happy marriages.  

Very early in my career, I had an unusual interview.  The interviewer ridiculed everything on my resume.  "That wasn't a real job," he sneered, as he drew an "X" with a thick black marker through a job I'd held for three years.  He put another "X" through my internship, saying, "We Don't like that organization."  As my resume filled with black marks, I got perturbed and walked out.  

Later, someone who knew the interviewer said, "That's just his interviewing style.  You might have gotten the job if you'd put up with it."  But I didn't regret walking away, because I didn't trust this man.  

Months later, his name appeared in the newspaper.  He was being investigated for mistreatment of staff.  The article said he hired only very young men, forbade them to date for the first year (!) and held kinky staff parties in which staff were pressured to perform strip tease dances!! 

Thank goodness I didn't take THAT job.

We often turn off our internal sensors because of a belief in scarcity.  We think, "I'd better grab this job—who knows if another one is out there."  Our belief in scarcity gets us into jobs that aren't right for us and undermines our salary negotiations.  In business and love, those with no other options are less attractive and often get poorer treatment.

Recently, I coached a young woman we'll call Tracy.  Though she had a good job, she wanted to transfer to a different area of her industry.  After applying for a couple jobs, she got an interview, and expected an offer.  

Tracy had done her homework.  She knew she had good credentials for the position and that the industry range for similar positions is between $47,000 and $53,000.  Through an inside contact, she learned that the company's pay scale for this position ranged from $40,000 to $55,000.  With that information, Tracy was astounded when they offered only $40,000.

She astutely requested a face to face interview with the real decision maker, rather than with Human Resources.  He said he was too busy to meet with her, but could spare "just a couple of minutes" over the phone.  When Tracy started discussing her salary research, he interrupted:  "Everyone here is underpaid."  

Since he wouldn't budge on salary, Tracy tried to negotiate more vacation (additional vacation is a raise that doesn't cost employers more out of pocket). He refused.  

Tuition reimbursement?  No.  

And so it went.  He then said he needed an answer by the end of the day.  

Tracy asked how to handle the situation.  She wanted magic phrases to transform these dead-end negotiations. 

Sometimes there aren't any.  The boss wouldn't negotiate and wasn't interested in being fair--perhaps because her nonverbal communication told him she wouldn't turn down the job.  I advised her on restating her position, but my most important advice was to be willing to decline the offer. Certainly, many other companies would hire her.  

Tracy was unwilling to hear this, and accepted this poor offer.  I wish her well, but think she made a big mistake. 

Employers should be on their best behavior during the interview process.  This man, however, displayed no respect.  By accepting the offer, Tracy signaled that disrespectful treatment is acceptable.  I think Tracy can expect more of the same.

Pay close attention to the signals from prospective employers and your gut reactions during interviews and negotiations.  They are reliable predictors of the employment relationship.